Chicken Blog by Natalie

I am sending love, and heartfelt thoughts with care, and compassion to everyone waiting, to everyone hoping for the best. It won't be the same for all of us, but we will all be living, working, dreaming, and hoping, together in this country, whatever happens. I am reminding myself to breath, to drink water, to step away from news, and shocking posts, from dread. My friends remind me to do for others, any kindness or gesture to ease burdens, brighten someone's day. Make art, sing aloud, care for a loved one, wave my arms, jump around! I have been sketching and painting a house, a daydream cabin where there is always room for one more, where we make things accesible, where we welcome new ideas, follow the constellations, walk among the trees, and tend a garden, rest, make, play, share.

It's Thursday, now, but we've been waiting since 4 years ago. And some people have been waiting 300 years... for justice, to be counted as fully human, fully respected. Four years ago we squared our shoulders, and determined to put solar on our roof, and expand our community outreach through mentoring in STEM, and creating hands-on activities, as well as assertively supporting the campaigns of progressive candidates, especially in Georgia and Wisconsin. Honestly, it has been a brutal four years, personally, nationally, globally. It would seem that life had one more sucker punch in store for us: Evidentally, wild and absurd conspiracies, lies, a pandemic, an impeachment, racism, crimes, more lies, hateful behavior, insighting violence and lawless behavior, rape, child endagerment and seperation from their parents, assault, bumbling, babbling, cruelty, all of these are acceptable actions and behaviors, so long as white women feel safe, so long as he claims to care about unborn babies, or the Bible. None of the hypocrisy, none of the chicanery, double-dealing, or absolutely transparent truth of his irrelgious life dissuades, and this should come as no surprise, by now, but it is terribly disappointing to know that so many millions find hate and corruption acceptable, that for personal gain and satisfaction, millions of people chose to don the red hat, and ask for four more years. However the election turns out, it's clear that we are a nation divided, and it is not over taste in Christmas decor, or how to balance a budget. This is willful hate and blind allegience, against human beings asking for justice, equality, and opportunity to enjoy freedom and pursuit of happiness.

Coretta Scott King said, "Freedom is never really won. You earn it and win it in every generation." Very well. We are here, and we will stand firmly, Brown, and Black, Indigenous, LGBTQA, disabled, poor, with pre-existing conditions, creative, hard working, neighbors, children, immigrants, and this is our land, these are our bodies, our futures, and we are staying.

"And while you hold on to your hate and co-sign on our suffering and oppression, we are living our best lives! We are the doctors and healers taking care of your loved ones. We are the scientists fighting in the front lines to make sure you and yours get access to a vaccine. We are your children’s teachers, teaching them about this country’s history, teaching them about love, compassion and acceptance. We are the cops, protecting your neighborhoods, the person in front of you and behind you at the grocery store. We are the lawyers fighting for justice, the engineers building the infrastructure of this country. We are the architects who built your home, the farmer who puts food on your table. We are your LGBTQA neighbor down the street. We are sitting next to you at church and praying to the same God," Mahshid Hager.

Bambi dressed dashingly, as her D & D persona, Dragomir. Minnie, the clouds and setting sun, with the rising moon, and all of the night sky mysteries and wonders, were constantly enchanting. Ready for a fun night... Paul, Janece and Amira. We are Over The Garden Wall, with a pirate, too, featuring The Queen of the Clouds, Ms Langtree, The Woodsman, and Wirt! And Bex sang us Ms Langtree's alphabetic lament.The new deck proved its worth, giving us more room to spread out, and by being ideal for standing with one end of the piñata rope. Carol came with Grace and Bella, and treats, too. We are so thankful to see friends. We can't wait to see the days when we can invite EVERYONE, again. William achieved costume success with a clasic closet grab. He pulls it off, very well. The piñata was just sturdy enough for three children to have turns at whacking it open... I call that a success! The sun set, the moon rose, and we ate our dinners, laughed and chatted around the campfires, beneath a dazzling sky. Alex carved a pumpkin, then William, and Max, and finally, Maria. We were awestruck by the Moonbow. Mars, Saturn, and Jupiter were brilliant. We couldn't tear ourselves away from the light and merriment, and so we watched Meet Me In St Louis, mostly for the best Halloween scene we could think of. As always, we conclude... Good things are better shared.

Halloween, and the Blue Moon! I just started soaking black beans, so we can make chili for dinner. Alex is going to make cornbread. We have been showing driveway movies all month, and keeping decorations whimsical and light. Tonight our young friends will have a piñata to break open for treats. Maria announced that this month has gone by too quickly, and she intends to continue Halloween celebrating indefinitely. I see no reason to disagree. She doesn't know that I've planned some treats for her, too, and I hope they add something special to her celebration.Our Thistle was getting abused, right on top of her sweet head. Somehen was pecking her. Thankfully, it didn't go too far, and has stopped, but do you see? The few feathers she lost came back white. It brought to mind articles I've been reading about trauma, recovery, healing, and how we shouldn't dismiss the hard effects of pain from physical injury, emotional abuse, even long term or intense stress can leave a mark on our physiology.
Have you considered how you can help yourself, and others, in the days leading up to the election, and after? I've been checking in with a friend, who is a therpapist, and she is suggesting people take Wednesday off, to rest, to turn to supportive family, friends. In the next few days create options for time away from media, from fretting, feeling overwhelmed. Eat well. Sleep. Walk or play, get to some nature, make room for fun, distracting, fun activities, that give your system time to recover... I am pretty sure I will need to re-read this more than once this week.
Thistle, welcome to the gray lady club. We are wearing our warrior feathers.I've spent a lot of time thinking about how to make Halloween fun, especially for young people. Fun, and still safe, comfortable. Safe distancing, and not exchanging things are the two main issues. I was hearing about people passing candy through PVC tubes, and... sorry, that seemed eh. Fortunately for us, in these circumstances, we don't see trick-or-treaters in this neighborhood, so we only need a one time kind of candy distribution. Trick-or-Treating, let's admit, has an element of mischief, and I wanted to keep that intact. Piñatas have an element of mischief, too. And! Piñatas are ideal for stand back safely protocol! Thankfully, William reminded me that we had leftover papier-mâché forms, so I only needed to construct reinforcements, paint, add decorations, fill with candies (poured, untouched, directly from the bag) and affix with a wire for hanging. After my hands got covered in glue and paint, I stopped taking pictures. This project was really fun, and because I didn't want to make it too precious to destroy, it went quickly, easily. Actually, I am already thinking of making another. A turkey, a snowglobe? Spencer, Bex, and Simon are bringing their own stick and blindfold, and bags to collect their treats. We can all stand back, swinging the pumpkin head from a rope, while the kids strike for chocolates! October 29th, and the Blue Moon is already looking large, beautiful. All week we have been watching Harry Potter movies. I carved one pumpkin, mostly for the roasted seeds. I like how the Jack-o-lantern's face turned out. I think we will carve more today. And last night we watched the final movie in the series. I can't believe I never saw the last three movies! Ok. That was the upper limit for scary, and suspenseful for me. Besides, I'm getting too much of the same in the real world. Walk or play, get to some nature, make room for fun, distracting, fun activities, that give your system time to recover. I freely admit, I am a sensitive buttercup. No shame. I am so glad we have plans for the day, and other good things to look forward to.

The Blue Moon is almost here, Mars has been bright and glowing, and we have a giant kitty, Minnie Robo Kitty, peering over everything, and everyone, from the roof of our home. It's almost Halloween. It won't be like others, but we have plans! We can't be sidetracked, and certainly not derailed. We have been sharing movie nights, and whimsical decorations outdoors. Tomorrow night will be a Halloween like no other, but that's basically true of every holiday. As this is a night for make-believe and mischief, we are rising to the occasion to devise new and safe ways to play, to be with friends, to celebrate creativity, and amusements. Minnie came along, in the usual fashion, in coversation. We couldn't help imagining something big on top of the house, and we talked about this all summer. Once we settled on a cat, William started sketching. Then he took all of our ideas and suggestions into the computer, where we made a silhouette to project onto wood. He and I traced the cat, then William cut it out with a jigsaw. Projecting is a helpful method... just remember to adjust the image, to get rid of distortion. It can be a bit tricky. It's the same process we used to create our giant Totoro. Here, I have more details about making, and remaking Totoro.Friends know, we've made some elaborate things... competitive robots, robot parade floats, shelters, costumes, theater props. This project was tough. Our roof is steep, Kitty is heavy. We wanted the eyes to move. I could say more about the complications and challenges, but just know: We wanted to throw in the towel a few times. And all along, facing each new technical obstacle, we knew the trickiest part would be the last part... getting it, safely, on the roof. Kitty has 3D printed parts, and laser cut parts, an Arduino that Geoff wired and programmed. The metal frame had to be welded, and made to fit the exact pitch of the roof. Sooner, or later, we employed most of our collective skills sets, and eventually, all seven of us would have a hand in seeing this project to completion.
Making Minnie was challenging. Getting the cat on the roof was harrowing... or, at least, very intense for at least 20 minutes.

Dear Santa, we hope you are well. Please, would you consider giving us scaffolding? We find ourselves on roof tops, as well as building tall or heavy, or odd things, rather often, and something tall and stable, for standing on, could come in handy. Thank you, the BOoM Nerds.

All week I was on the lookout for rain in the forecast. You know, I am always on the lookout for rain in the forecast. But we did not want to put the cat up in rain, or high wind. And we were also trying to figure out how to protect the mechanics and electronics from rain, or even heavy fog. There was never rain in the foreacast. It was all clear. Only, as soon as the last guy wire was tethered, and Minnie was secure, it did start to rain! And the next day we had freak wind gusts that lifted things across the yard, and broke a few things. Thankfully, Minnie has stayed tip-top!

When we get any rain, I am going to sow seeds, and ahead of that I need to pull up dead plants, and exhausted veggies. Since the summer garden is all but done, I decided the goats couldn't do much harm if I let them roam. It was such nice weather, and the grass around the old pumpkin bed was tall. Tasha and Ada went right to work, like they were at a salad bar. Ada added peppers to her meal. We all ran around for a bit, me, the hens, the goats. Maybe one of the funnest parts of being a farmer is goats and chickens that will come for affection, for treats, that will sit beside me, or run around the yard, following me. It's fun, too, that we can keep goats and chickens, together. They get along, and make each other's lives more interesting. I miss having bunnies in the mix. I love witnessing and supporting the cycle that we have around the garden, the animals, the seasons. Phil sent us a greeting card, with a photograph he took in France, and a fall leaf. I am guessing the leaf is from Wisconsin, not France. Maybe my New Year Resolution should be to send letters, cards, thank you notes, personal and tangible messages through the post. I owe so many replies. I imagine care packages and handwritten letters, that I am earnestly eager to compose, send off. I was better about all of that, once upon a time. But I won't pretend that I've been any good about mail in recent years. Prior to 2018, I would say that I was simply busy, literally had too much to do, and I didn't make letter writing a priority. Now, since the collision, I have the added challenge of... how to even describe this? I can't manage things very well. Everything is harder, as though even the most basic tasks are veiled and just out of reach. It's a relief to be at home, because the world is big and fast moving, I stutter when I am nervous, I forget things, and cannot recall other things, people I've met, things we've done, movies, books, dates. I can do one thing at a time, then nap, as though I put in a full day's work, focused, intense, demanding mental labor. And none of this is anything I want to admit to myself, to examen closely, because I am constantly questioning what I perceive and feel, and experience, doubting my reality, and willing myself to not be that way.

This was going to be a post about comfort, and cats, about rearranging the space on the balcony, where I paint. I was, I admit, going to say something about those pillows, the fluffy ones on the bed, where Cairo is napping. I've been self-conscious about showing them in pictures, about how fluffy and opulent-extravagant they look. Silly, of me to feel embarrassed, squeamish about them... it's because they are fancy and I am a snob about seeming to be fancy. And this, friends, is about as strange and raw a confession as I can make. But I've resolved to share that I brought home the first pillow, a natural fleece, and soft as can be, after casually touching it in a shop, and feeling utter bliss. It was expensive, and that is something else that I cringe about. In December it will be two years since the collision, and those pillows have been one of the most effective resources in my arsenal to ground myself. I cannot be in a car without a pillow, not comfortably, not without the chance of vomiting, bursting into tears, heart racing, sweating. I sleep with them, I hold them, I touch them and find my breath, stop shaking. I have learned I am not alone, that a friend, also recovering being hit in her car, had the same impulse... we talked about bringing pillows on drives, then I told her I keep two in the car, and then added them to my bed, and she thought this was brilliant. It was reassuring, a kind of relief, to talk about it with someone who gets it, and we agreed that healing and comfort comes in unexpected ways, that we would rather embrace these methods than reject them. If I could, I would give fluffy pillows to anyone in the world that needs comfort, that is recovering, or wants to feel safe... I know that it would be a lot of pillows.

I was composing all of the above in my head, and acknowledging that I am tired of nightmares, tired of unfinished collision issues, weary from being in pain, from the limits and challenges I am still trying to cope with. The recurring thoughts about how this whole event has been intrusive, consuming, life changing, tedious, damaging, hard, and long-lasting, were in my head... I was even thinking not a day, or night has gone by, when I haven't had to deal with what she did to me, and then my phone rang. The attorney is (still) helping me get more of the business of closing the case finished. She called for help with facts, details, photographs. Someone couldn't recall who I was, wasn't returning calls. If it wasn't me, if I was outside looking in, I could see it as another task, another memory jogging, more paperwork, lookng at pictures of a mangled van, twisted wheels. Someday, I hope to forget, and not feel trapped, not shake, not panic. I want to see simple tasks for what they are, do them, move on. I want to turn my head, left and right. I want to sleep through the night, or at least recgnize my surroundings when I wake up. I want to be comfortable, feel comfortable. I was only going to mention those pillows, so fluffy and good, but there's more to it than that, and I needed to talk about it... so, there it is.

October 14

We are still figuring out what Halloween will be in a year when we can't gather as we have before, when passing things between people is not ideal. One thing we have settled is bringing decorations and cheer outside, out front, where we can share it as much as possible with neighbors and friends. William brought out Pumpkin Head, the jolly scarecrow he made last year. And my order of remote controlled candle sticks arrived. Besides our lit Jack-o-Lantern friend, and floating candles, we are working on something really big, and keeping it under wraps has not be easy for me. It's kind of purrfect, and hopefully we can get passed the challenges that have been arising. In the meantime, we've created a magical atmosphere, with lights and blithesome touches.

This is the Before shot. All the debating about what to do with the kitchen is settled. We are having Mike paint the walls. Now that I've taken everything down, and prepared for paint, I can see how very badly these walls need paint. We've been here 11 years, and this kitchen hasn't seen fresh paint since it was built, which was at least 10 years before we moved in. Anyway, this relieves my consumer guilt, and I no longer feel indulgent and decadent. My mood is more well, it's about flippin' time!

We moved some kitchen operations outside, so we could still eat, and maintain social distancing. Mike masked up and stayed in the sealed off kitchen, and we kept outside, or out of the way of the kitchen and painting. Only one disaster ensued: We forgot to turn off the sprinklers. Maria and I were seated at the picnic table, surveying our clever set up, when the automatic sprinklers went full blast, super soaking us and our temporary kitchen. Oh, and Geoff was away, and the on/off for the app is on his phone. We laughed a lot about this.

It took me much longer to get the kitchen ready for painting than it took Mike to paint it! Rather than experiment with colors we settled on two things... 1. Something complimentary to the red of the cupboards, so blue. 2. We know and love Arrowhead Blue, just like the outside of the house. It's a big change from palest green, which is just what I needed. And we love it. It's surprising, but we find it both energizing and soothing. And we love how boldly it frames art, and furnishings. William and I have been diligently, mindfully, putting things back on the walls. I always laugh at myself for thinking that I need to record how everything was before, believing I will do things just as they were. We've changed many things, though, and that's been good, too.

October 15

Have I mentioned the coffee table book William and I are going to have published? It will be entirely comprised of photographs of Feynman asleep on chairs. In chairs. He sleeps in them, sunk in, melded, luxuriant, blissful. The Physics of Sleep, by RP Feynman Cat, A study of the feline in recline.

It's been hotter than summer. I planted the annuals, in the one section of the new garden where I am giving way to flowers and seasonal color. The California native plants I will put in the ground as soon as the heatwave breaks. I brought home manzanita, sage, and ceanothus. I have to own, it makes me feel virtuous and pleased as can be to have this chance... for one thing, I love manzanita, sage, and ceanothus. Those three plants bring me to the local foothills and coastal ranges of California. If I could add a redwood, I would. And if I am successful, if they take to their new home, then we can hope to see more birds, and the plants won't need irrigation, nor fussing over. I love the red bark of manzanita, the tiny bell flowers. I love the smell of sage, its properties and sentiment, the memories it recalls. And ceanothus, in bloom, is a balm for all the senses, and heart. Happily, the nursery was well stocked in annuals and native plants. And now we have pansies, snapdragons, scabiosa, and salvia all tucked in and looking pretty.

October screenings have included, Arsenic and Old Lace, Over the Garden Wall, The Wizard of Oz, and True Stories.
Tia Thalia's paintings made the cut, of course, and are back on the walls. Her still life is always especially appropriate this time of year, with a traditional pan de muertos, and the calénduas.
Bambi, Alex, Max, and Maria, October 17.
It hasn't been too difficult for us to stay home, and possibly we have taken it a bit too much to heart. We finally determined to visit a beach, and couldn't. Our beaches are packed! Close to home it was overcast, even foggy, and yet I have never seen the beaches as full as they were this day. We were astonished. Geoff just kept moving south, until we were all the way to the Glider Port, and even there we had to go clear to the north end of the unpaved lots before we could find space to park. Here we got above the low clouds and fog, we could see clear to La Jolla Cove, over the Scripps pier. Hang gliders were drfting leisurely in the sky. Maybe on a weekday, in the morning, we might have better luck getting on a beach, to the shore. We'll try, again.
We are fortunate to feel close to nature, and open spaces, close to home.

Normally I go to great pains to get every photograph in order, by date. These are a jumble. But the compulsion is strong, for order, so... I will say that these are days and nights from early October, Bambi's birthday, up until the 9th or 10th. It's hard to keep it straight. I am learning an entirely new way of posting photos, which is both more difficult, but also easy. Different is not always easy, even if it might turn out for the better. And! Please, recall that the updated Blogger does not help me with autocorrect. I'm sorry. I feel as though I am posting about small things, quibbling with myself. Maybe it's only small things I can manage to notice. Big things are too plentiful, too consequential. Does everyone, anyone, feel thin, fatigued?

Here are many moments to remind me that we have danced by moonlight, lit fires, put out fires, voted, celebrated, cleaned, and made messes. The hens are laying rainbows, the cats are making peace. We have paints, and threads, hammers, seeds, and pots to cook in. Here are good things, and hopes. Next year, I hope to read this post and almost cringe... cringe to recall how scared and sad I felt about the state of the world, politics, a pandemic, apathy, malice. I hope I can laugh, and say, Wasn't I silly to worry? Weren't we happy, and safe, and now we are safe, and happy, and sharing more, caring more? Things are not so bad as we feared.
October 13, when the Moon danced with Venus, before the sun rose.

Maybe this is the post where I finally share the whole project, the deck and wall, and more. "More" is the kitchen. I have been staring at this kitchen a lot this year, and it was with sheepish guilt that I finally railed: "Gah! I can't take it anymore! I do not want to look at this kitchen any more!" It began with the compulsion to tear it all out, to gut it. And, objectively, it's a nice kitchen, but COVID madness took hold and something had to be done. We talked about painting the cabinets. We talked about replacing the counters. We talked about building a wizard tower, and digging a basement. We talked about turning the RV into a pontoon, towing our cars and our friends' cars, and landing on New Zealand's shores. So, while Mike plugged away at building the retaining wall, adding stairs, surveying the slope, and framing for a deck... inside I was thinking of options, quick fixes to help me make peace with cooking and cleaning every single day in this same, lovely, room.

The footings for the deck, by the way, are standing on the slope, and the weight of the deck is what we are counting on to hold it in place. The reasoning for this choice was to minimize digging and cutting the roots of the Torrey Pines. The tall posts will serve two purposes... 1. to string lights from, and 2. to hold copper pipes, which will further strengthen the framing and keep it from pulling into itself. We put in a French drain at the back of the wall, installed electric boxes, and added a hose bib. We also capped the irrigation. By watering the non-native plants around the trees, we have been encouraging the trees to grow surface roots, which weaken the trees. We will plant native plants that grow with our rainfall, and the Torrey Pines will root deeper... I say this with the confidence of a researcher, and the hope that evidence and reason prove accurate in practice! Fingers crossed.

I think all technical subjects should be presented with pictures of cats. Here is Cairo. He's trying to look casual, and disinterested, because he's actually plotting his dash out the front door. The more casual and indifferent he looks, the more likely he is to get out.

Ada and Tasha like to escape, too, but their tactics are open, forthright... go, move, push. And if that doesn't work, they butt heads and change the subject.

Diana, and Charles brought Akira for a movie night. We almost, almost, dismantled and tossed that screen. It was made for outdoors, then came inside for many years, and it got kind of junky, but we decided to save it in the attic, and thank goodness we did. We have had more movie nights since March, then in the last 11 years of hosting movie nights. It's been 19! Nineteen socially distanced, bring your own chairs and snacks, Bird House Driveway Theater events! We have fire rings, and we have had singalongs. We've screened talent shows and personalized videos. And we get to laugh and chat with friends. Even in the dark, ten or more feet apart... we have come to love and appreciate every single gathering. We love our friends. We love having a means to be togther, safely, happily.

The stairs might be my favorite part. I love the entire project. It's practically complete, now, so I can safely say, I am familiar with all of its features, and I love them! But the stairs look so cool! Also, have I mentioned it's two decks we designed? I will give credit to Armand for this addition. He was the one that pointed out that terracing would add to the theater experience, creating balcony seating. That was an irresistible suggestion, and Mike constructed this mini-deck above the wall. It's just the right size for a family to sit together for a movie night.

On Instagram I subjected everyone to lots of fall leaf pictures, and I also shared how every picture was from carefully framed views of this one tree that for the first time ever was being truly beautiful. But the framing was critical, because the background includes power poles, and phone lines, a chain-link fence, very dirty cars, a construction heap and mulch pile, an open trench! And then! Then the whole tree went dry and brown in the heat wave we had. 90 degrees F, in October. Ugh. Poor tree. Poor us. Poor planet.

All mention of climate change and global warming should include pictures of cats and fruit from the garden. Here is Feynman, and a pomegranate... which happens to be a low water fruit tree, that just this year is giving us our first delicious fruit. And Feynman, well, he's demonstrating how to self-care during a pandemic. Inhale. Exhale. Nap. Repeat.

Almost to completion... so close! I am going outside to take some more pictures. Oh! And the kitchen. I decided painting the cabinets was a bit rash, and so we are painting the walls. And on closer inspection, my impulse isn't indulgent or extravagant... but long overdue!