Chicken Blog by Natalie
You Are Not Alone











Oh, hey, the comments, on the last post, those were helpful. Thank you. I should take key words from those, and have them embroidered on pillows, framed and hanging around the home. Thank you! I have been re-reading your wise words, and kind, encouraging messages. I want to take them to heart, and be mindful.
Imagine these neatly stitched on soft linen, framed, and hung on the wall beside a shelf of fresh cut flowers. The shelf might be dusty, there could be a stash of laundry on the floor beneath, but take these words to heart, and...
Be Gentle With Yourself
You Are Not Alone
It's The Lovely People In Your Home That Family Are Coming to See
And this. This advice resonates with me. It's simple and I can appreciate that it would work for me, and it also pushes me to level up to match my thinking with my actions, by being consistent, diligent, even if in small increments. Laura Bray wrote, "For me, the trick to my homemaking has been to keep myself from doing too much at once. I put on a timer for one hour, two or three days a week, tackle one area, and when the timer goes off, I walk away. I just keep cycling through my home, focusing on one area each week, so I know I will get back to whatever I didn't finish. It's surprising how quickly things become "ship shape" this way." This! I want to adopt this habit, internalize this practice, and as I re-read it over and over, it is feeling like an affirmation, encouraging, wise, good.
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
Domestic Perils, Again



If you have been following our quandry about the cat drama... we think we have figured something out. But, first let me go back: There were was some high energy antics on the porch, and a pot fell over. It may have hit a cat, or maybe the plant stand hit a cat. We know for sure that the noise and scare of it freaked all three of them out, and they scattered and one of them made a distressing wail. We checked each of them for bumps and breaks and they seemed ok, but they were not. Sakamoto hid. He would not come out of hiding, not even for food and that is simply unheard of! Feynman was incensed, hissing and growling, puffing up mad! And he positioned himself, always between Sakamoto and Cairo. Cairo was utterly confounded. And this tense stand-off and drama was what we had to deal with for days. Feynman was dogged about keeping Cairo away, would chase him, attack him. Sakamoto was only concerned with staying out of the way, and Cairo looked increasingly victimized and distressed. We tried seperating them, re-introducing them with treats and affection. We had to keep them in different rooms, and rotate them, and everytime we thought things might be improving, Feynman would dig his heels in and react to Cairo like he was the worst kind of villain. It was a stressful 4-5 days. Increasingly we had more frequent moments of peace, of possible reconcillation. And the good news is, we do have a cease-fire.
Here is what we have figured out: We believe Feynman must have very very poor vision, and under duress, he is wary of many things, including the black and white cat, that he seems to believe has broken into our house. If he and Cairo are nose to nose, it's as though nothing was ever wrong, but when Feynman sees Cairo, at a distance of, say, 2-3 feet away, he is wary, suspicious. Now we notice Feynman can even be circumspect about us, or things that appear suddenly. He startles easily, and stares at people, or even high contrast patterns... like our bathroom floor, or Cairo, the black and white cat. When we adopted him the woman in charge of their care assured me that his weepy eyes were just a reaction to the environment, he's fine, she insisted. Well, the weepy eyes have never stopped being messy, concerning, and when the vet saw him, he didn't think any treatments we going to make a difference. But Feynman has always had half-closed, drowsy, weepy eyes, and I think we will ask our vet, again, to take a look. And this is the point when I imagine Professor Feynman with some spectacles, and I think he would look darling. Black rimmed glasses, nothing too heavy. If you've read all the way to this point, and kept track of all of the characters and plot, then I should like to send you a prize, maybe a Chickenblog Merit Badge. I should come up with something like that. Thank you for reading this riveting tale!
Well.
I intended to post more. I have a load of pictures, deep thoughts, and other musings, all ready to go, but really what I should be doing is more of that tidying, dusting, refreshing. My Mom and Dad are coming to town, soon, and other family, too. And Geoff and Max are still plugging away at their work, and... it's busy here. Really really busy. One more thought... the more I clean, the more I find that needs to be cleaned. It's almost a shame I started in the first place. (Just the kind of twisted reasoning that gets me in a mess, I am sure.) I went in for scrubbing our kitchen cabinets, and they got gummy. So I ordered the special cabinet cleaning, goo-gummy solvent and tried again, and it's helping, sort of. Wow. It's likely I don't have a point to make here. But maybe, please, say something encouraging, something to give me courage and faith, because I am surrounded by domestic perils, and daunting tasks, and I don't see how I can ever achieve the kind of shiny success I am after, and I do wonder if I can get close to bringing order, if we shouldn't put the place on the market, and move to an Island, live in an open, rambling house, that isn't very big, or too precious, or a treehouse? I don't know. This may just be blatant, overt avoidance. When's lunch?
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
Make More Merrier














Alicia, Bex, and Maria
Geoff popped outside for a while. He is still tied to his desk, until mid April. Ruth came by, and she had paper flowers already made! Diana and Lucas were over, and we talked about all sorts of things, including good places to eat, ordering tunics, and Diana buying her first bicycle at The Yellow Jersey, Madison, Wisconsin. Leslie came, Bex came with her friend, Alicia, and Spencer brought Owen. Carol and Grace and Michael were a lot of help, and good company. Okay... I feel so happy about this, about how nice it is to be around friends, doing just about anything, I really do want to re-start the Picnic Days.











Gordon, soldering, and smiling. I am smiling back.
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
Hello? It's Me






















Bambi, Alex, Tori, Armand, Max, Maria, Lucas. I like this last picture when they obliged me a group photo, and some of them have the "how many pictures is she going to take?" expressions.
Every Saturday... Dungeons & Dragons. Dungeons & Dragons & Friends & Laughter & plans, engagement, support. This time Tori had some special treats to celebrate the groom, and the bride, and friends, and dragons. Tori's cupcakes were both delicious and beautiful.



Maria is sticking with her love of school, with following her curiousity and love of learning. No signs of "senioritus," thus far. She was so glad, thankful to get a chance at the screen-printing, to go to the Regional event for robotics, to read The Poisonwood Bible, and now The Grapes of Wrath. Math is going well, so is English, and government and economics. She is thinking of going to prom, maybe even grad-night. I am pretty sure all of these things are going to be upon us in, seemingly, no time, and then it will be graduation time. Twelve years ago, Maria showed an interest in embroidery. I set her up with a hoop, needle and floss, and she caught on readily enough. But it didn't hold her interest for much longer than it took to stitch that one flower. My own experience with sewing was similar. I dabbled as a girl, but never got proficient, never stuck with it. But the skills sort of stuck with me. I have found that all of the lessons and passing interest in things have come back in later years, and have helped launch renewed interest, and the patience to improve and enjoy... crochet, embroidery, quilting, handsewing and mending, even making clothes. I am glad she tried embroidery, and I was even more glad that I didn't press her or force it. On her own, in the Fashion Design class, she's picked it up, again, and I love what she's making!
I've seen a meme, or quote, something, going around Instagram... an audio clip plays, of someone telling us that we don't have to perfect our hobbies, that there's no rule that says we must become experts to enjoy our pastimes. It's brilliant, I think. I have wasted too much time concerned about how good I can be at something before I am worthy of it, before I can say I enjoy it, or can share it, or claim any ability, or attachment. I used to hold too much favor for the idea of natural talent, and I would give up or feel embarrassed for things I wasn't good at. For certain, I am ready to celebrate anyone else's amateur status, their effort and enthusiasm matters more than the results, for me. Now, I am increasingly eager to give myself the same grace. I play ukulele. I play infrequently, and badly, but when I play, it makes me happy. I bake, occasionally and I have made some delicious cakes, and some really ugly ones, but I like doing it. I have ridden my bicycle 4,540 miles... not in a jersey, or with special shoes, never in a race, or on a course, but happily, and surprisingly regularly. I like to think that if we all just dabble, and play, try new things, whether we are fair-to-middling, or even kind of awful, but happy, amused, engaged, and if we encourage each other in play, expression, in exploring... it might help, it might bring some of the relief, caring, healing, that so many of us are seeking.
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
One More Quarter
With one semester thrust into online, two years ago, then an entire year of remote learning, a lot has been lost for this class. Maria lost a year of Japanese class, and had to double up, but still had to take the AP test. She missed friend time, and socializing at school. Just this week, since the mandatory mask rule was dropped, she's learned that friends have piercings she'd never seen, moustaches, smiles! The laid back and open culture the school was famous for is gone, because of COVID, and school shootings, vandalism, and yet it's still a resilient, courageous and beautiful school, there is still hope, and enthusiasm, caring, curiosity. She doesn't want to skip a day, she doesn't want to miss out.
For me, it's about how much I loved the time when Alex, then Max were in high school. I knew their friends, and teachers, I could volunteer, support staff, mentor. Twice a year parents would be introduced to their students' teachers and classes during Back to School Night, and it was so cool! I loved sitting in Max's chair, visiting the shop where Alex learned metals, meeting their teachers, getting a sense for what kind of semester they would be having. And then, run into my own friends! Finally, being a part of a community, living in a neighborhood, it was an increasingly dear experience to see all of the familiar faces, have hugs, and laughs, and build more connections. No more Back to School Nights, and when this last one was online, just sitting at my desk watching videos, I cried.
I am very fortunate. A lot of the connections to the school and staff that I made while the boys went there, have lasted, and between this and Robotics, and Book Club, I still have opportunities to volunteer, to meet students, connect with staff, support the school. I'd like to add, that I am thankful to Alex and Max... during their years at the school they made good, and lasting, impressions with teachers and staff. They are still recognized, and that's always made a nice introduction, start, for Maria.
This week I am hanging out in the screenprinting room. Maria needed a teacher's signature for a field trip so I went with her to the Arts & Humanities Building... probably haven't been in there in over two years! She could show me in her English classroom, then Fashion-Design. I could see the desks, the bulletin boards, and books, the view from the second story windows, the art on walls, her's, her classmate's... and I teared up. Again. I know... emotions. I was raised to suppress those, and feel apologetic, but I can't, not any more. I am emotional. At 55 I may know myself well enough to say, "This is who I am." And it's all too hard to suppress these days, so who am I kidding? I am sad that so much of the beauty, the learning journey, has been isolated from us, and I am sad that this wonderful journey of being a Mom to young folks, in grade school and high school, in clubs, and on field trips, going new places, making new friends, that for us, for me, is coming to an end... not over, but certainly transitioning into a realm that is far removed from these kinds of spaces and opportunities. I have loved it, all of it, even the tricky parts. It has been worthwhile and a privilege, too. Maybe I cry from a kind of happiness, too. At graduation, I expect at least one student will quote Theodor Geisel, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." Certainly, there is a great deal to smile about. I loved loved loved this quiet visit, slipping into rooms, getting close up with art and school culture, and listening to Maria's voice as she described what happened here, or there, where she sits, where her friend sits, even the pause in her voice, waiting for my impressions, and repsonses.
I would like to thank every teacher that has had any tolerance for phones in the classroom. Actually, I happen to know that phones are an essential tool of the classroom these days, but still... I really appreciate that somedays I get texts from Maria. She updates me on events she needs to attend, or asks for a number for a student form, or even to help her recall dates, places where things took place, related to school or functions, or things coming up. She shares moments from Homeroom, from activities, like Culture and Pride Day, and pajama day, and Senior Java. Just now I am texting her about heading back to screen printing. Gotta get those shirts done for FRC!
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
Our Last High School Senior
With one semester thrust into online, two years ago, then an entire year of remote learning, a lot has been lost for this class. Maria lost a year of Japanese class, and had to double up, but still had to take the AP test. She missed friend time, and socializing at school. Just this week, since the mandatory mask rule was dropped, she's learned that friends have piercings she'd never seen, moustaches, smiles! The laid back and open culture the school was famous for is gone, because of COVID, and school shootings, vandalism, and yet it's still a resilient, courageous and beautiful school, there is still hope, and enthusiasm, caring, curiosity. She doesn't want to skip a day, she doesn't want to miss out.
For me, it's about how much I loved the time when Alex, then Max were in high school. I knew their friends, and teachers, I could volunteer, support staff, mentor. Twice a year parents would be introduced to their students' teachers and classes during Back to School Night, and it was so cool! I loved sitting in Max's chair, visiting the shop where Alex learned metals, meeting their teachers, getting a sense for what kind of semester they would be having. And then, run into my own friends! Finally, being a part of a community, living in a neighborhood, it was an increasingly dear experience to see all of the familiar faces, have hugs, and laughs, and build more connections. No more Back to School Nights, and when this last one was online, just sitting at my desk watching videos, I cried.
I am very fortunate. A lot of the connections to the school and staff that I made while the boys went there, have lasted, and between this and Robotics, and Book Club, I still have opportunities to volunteer, to meet students, connect with staff, support the school. I'd like to add, that I am thankful to Alex and Max... during their years at the school they made good, and lasting, impressions with teachers and staff. They are still recognized, and that's always made a nice introduction, start, for Maria.
This week I am hanging out in the screenprinting room. Maria needed a teacher's signature for a field trip so I went with her to the Arts & Humanities Building... probably haven't been in there in over two years! She could show me in her English classroom, then Fashion-Design. I could see the desks, the bulletin boards, and books, the view from the second story windows, the art on walls, her's, her classmate's... and I teared up. Again. I know... emotions. I was raised to suppress those, and feel apologetic, but I can't, not any more. I am emotional. At 55 I may know myself well enough to say, "This is who I am." And it's all too hard to suppress these days, so who am I kidding? I am sad that so much of the beauty, the learning journey, has been isolated from us, and I am sad that this wonderful journey of being a Mom to young folks, in grade school and high school, in clubs, and on field trips, going new places, making new friends, that for us, for me, is coming to an end... not over, but certainly transitioning into a realm that is far removed from these kinds of spaces and opportunities. I have loved it, all of it, even the tricky parts. It has been worthwhile and a privilege, too. Maybe I cry from a kind of happiness, too. At graduation, I expect at least one student will quote Theodor Geisel, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." Certainly, there is a great deal to smile about. I loved loved loved this quiet visit, slipping into rooms, getting close up with art and school culture, and listening to Maria's voice as she described what happened here, or there, where she sits, where her friend sits, even the pause in her voice, waiting for my impressions, and repsonses.
I would like to thank every teacher that has had any tolerance for phones in the classroom. Actually, I happen to know that phones are an essential tool of the classroom these days, but still... I really appreciate that somedays I get texts from Maria. She updates me on events she needs to attend, or asks for a number for a student form, or even to help her recall dates, places where things took place, related to school or functions, or things coming up. She shares moments from Homeroom, from activities, like Culture and Pride Day, and pajama day, and Senior Java. Just now I am texting her about heading back to screen printing. Gotta get those shirts done for FRC!
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
Transformation
This post is all about the primary bathroom, the one adjacent to our bedroom. We have transformed it, and I don't want to look back! 


I was very deliberate about taking some before pictures. Deliberate, but reluctant, because I was finally ready to admit something I had suppressed for a very long time: I did not like our bathroom. Until the stone tiles began crumbling apart, there wasn't anything so awful that I felt justified in complaining about it, or even imagining changing it. But our hardwater made the glass shower doors a headache to clean, and the tiles too. And the big tub was increasingly troubling... it was inconvenient to clean, we had some doubts and concerns about the weight of all of that water on a floor that extends unsupported, so that I was always anxious about using it, and when we did use it the water would cool quickly. It was a waste, unfortunately. Our faucets (and this is an embarrassing admission) were corroded and the valves stopped working properly years ago, so they were a real hassle to shut off. Big mirror (a favorite, repeated choice by the previous owner)... did not like. The egg-shell light fixtures... did not like. The blinds, self-destructing... ditto. Even having two sinks was mildly irritating. So, I didn't have pictures, not happy ones, of the bathroom. Maybe I have some from the stormy night when we were so concerned for the goats that we let them "sleep" in the shower. Once we knew Mike was coming, I began making choices for the new bathroom, and that was when I started to see that I was really really really eager and excited to make this room completely new, different, ours. 


Mike arrived in January, and before he started on our bathroom, he repaired the hall skylight, which became an attic access, and he repaired the upstairs guest bathroom, where we had another skylight and water damage. Oh, and the window... I almost forgot about the big window he replaced. While he was doing all of that work, I was immersed in paint chips and tile samples, and the headaches of supply chain issues. A few times I shared about that journey, picking tile, deciding on a look. I've learned that remodeling is a privilege, and for me something of a torment, because I do it so mindfully... so full of concern about not doing a poor job, wasting money, time, effort. It feels like this is my big chance, don't blow it! Geoff wants me to just go for it, and he's not critical. It's my own internalized worry monster that plagues me with doubt, insecurity, constant fretting. And then, just when I could breath a sigh of relief, I would learn that our order was cancelled, because something was out of stock. It was getting closer and closer to demolition time, and time when Mike would need materials, and I was still trying to figure it out. Finally, we got tiles, and I was dizzy from staring at options and figuring out every variable... but privilege has its price! Oh, and the wallpaper! That was wishful thinking... just one statement wall with William Morrison's Strawberry Thieves. Geoff will indulge me anything, and Mike is master of many trades, but they each turned me down flat on hanging wallpaper! We laughed long and hard when I gently, hopefully, inquired, and they both answered in the same certain and absolute terms, "No. No way."



My last job in the old bathroom was to clear out! By early February, the demolition was in full swing. No turning back now! Beneath the tub was a hatch, an access meant for shutting off the water valve to the tub, which, by the way, was never installed... anyway it was very handy for dropping demo mess to the ground floor outside, so most of the old tile didn't have to be carried through the house. And then William cleared that heap away!


Mike used the tub framing lumber to build a stem wall for the shower and the shower bench. Ok, my two big design thrills were the bench in the shower and the alcove shelf on the outside of shower wall. Absolutely tickled to have Mike make those for me, and then I was stoked about putting in built-in tile shelves for shampoos and soaps... no more metal stand that always seems to turn into soapy rust. And! He installed a safety grab, which is just me acknowledging that we are not getting any younger. He raised the shower head... good for my taller husband. And... and without a massive tub to climb up and into, we could finally walk over to the three windows in that corner and easily look out! We have discovered that the best and unmatched views from any part of the house are at this spot! We can even crane our necks and spy the ocean. I am not saying this was part of my design choice, nonetheless, I guess I am taking credit for this wonder. Mike works clean, but it's still a messy process, and he works fast, but it still took time. I admit, I am still restoring our bedroom, and there were moments when it all felt inconvenient. What am I trying to say? It was hard, but it wasn't. Does that make sense? I do think I have a high tolerance for disruption, and clearly it was all about to pay off... 


Eventually, through hemming, hawing, fretting, and polling... I settled on paint, and curtains, and a new cabinet, and everything got closer and closer and closer to being really lovely, and I was even eager to share glimpses of what was becoming something I felt excited about.


Instead of replacing the vanity, Mike painted it for us, and rebuilt the counter for one sink. Geoff and I have never crashed nor clashed around any bathroom, no matter how many sinks there were. More counter surface has far more appeal. I feel like I am rushing this post now... like, I was going to document every detail and date, and delivery of supplies, and trips to the hardware store, and record the times when I had to make one more decision, but it's done, and behind me, and I survived, and honestly... why look back? I just like stories, and I know that I learned things that will be helpful in the future (because we are building an accessory dwelling unit this year) and I will appreciate my own notes on this process, those lessons. But, yes... let's just see it done!!
Technically, it's almost done. When Mike can return, he will add baseboards. But: Ta Da!


The fireplace is a spaceheater, and my Valentine's Day gift to Geoff. He likes a warmer room for his late night, after work shower, and the chair was one we've had for a long time. Either of us can pass sleepless insomnia time comfortably, without disturbing the other. William assembled my Ikea cabinet... at last, intentional storage space, that can be closed, pretty. The dark walls are Behr Deep Breath. The lighter walls are Behr Clear Pond. The cabinets are Behr Dragonfly. The shower curtain, and the drapes, are from Target, so is the vanity mirror. It wasn't a snap, but I love it like it's magic! And I made a fun reel to show the magic of transformation. A nice development has been that I feel comfortable in the room, and there's space, obviously... it's a big bathroom, so I brought in my yoga mat, and free weights. I have been doing activities from physical therapy, and letting the room remain calm, and inviting... it's a luxury, a gift, and I am so glad it's done. I love this transformation.
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
Where Did The Time Go
It's funny, I can't take my plans, even my fantasy plans, out of the driveway. Everything good, in the last two years has been in the driveway. I'm kidding, but not. I used to ignore the driveway. I used to think it was only a too large space that we were stuck with, practical, but oversized for its purpose, and wasteful. But since lockdowns and COVID and all of that, I adore our driveway, our wide, open, spacious and generous driveway! Our movie nights, and campfires, and stargazing, the picnics, and craft camps, even future events, have all revolved around the asphalt pad in front of our home. I may have a plaque made to commemorate the love and company we enjoyed here, the days and nights when this was a safe, welcome space for our loved ones to gather, and we endured, and we comforted one another. I even miss the nights when we fumbled through how to manage social distancing... to play games, or share food, or celebrate special occasions. Those gatherings are fewer and further between. Maybe, possibly, we can see real hope, a real chance to come out of The Stay At Home Season?
Paul and Janece reached out for a campfire gathering this week. And I was happy to move the chairs around, make some hot chocolate. We sipped chocolate and shared news, laughed, just our usual easy friendship pleasures. Our young ones are in their last semester of high school. And I can't believe how right I was when I declared that these years would fly by, and I would ask "Where did the time go?" Oh, my gosh, where did the time go?
In the midst of conversing, my attention was diverted, and I found myself admiring my pretty friend. I wanted to tell her, to interrupt the conversation and say how pretty Janece is. Instead I raised my phone to take a picture. She turned to face me. Later, I wrote about what I was thinking, to save the moment. I am glad I did. After the sun had set and we sat in flickering light and shadows, they shared news with us. Our friends are moving away, heading out for a new experience, for a chance to make life easier. Naturally, I have the best hopes and wishes for them, but not before I object, and protest, and wish that there was some other way. Ten years, I thought is a long time, but ten years is a flash, a snap in time, when it's spent with friends that you click with, with friends that in short time become more like family than people you met through blogging. Their calling is born of necessity, but they are embracing it, taking the adventure, and I hope to be a best kind of friend... one that supports them, and helps them move forward, and one that will always hold space for them, to stay connected, to share whatever new attachments we can make. Well, those are my noblest intentions, and aspirations, but I will always think this is one of the cruelest results of pandemic, of politics and economy and billionaire greed. I am disillusioned... no yachts, nor rockets, no tax evading corportate avarice, however shiny or glamorous will ever compare with families in safe homes, and children in good schools, with affordable healthcare for all people, and working a job should mean that you can thrive, not barely survive.
Sigh
I meant for this to be all about flowers and found nests in the nasturtium, my pretty friend, and looking forward to plans, to spring and summer and fall, again. I want to be looking forward, but just now, all I can think is where did the time go?
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
Hello, Out There
This is the kind of bookstore that makes a city a destination. The staff are always engaging, welcoming. Our friend, Susie Ghahremani's mural leaves me feeling like we've had a little visit! And books! I always find a title that is compelling, irresistible, and whatever I am looking for they are happy to find, and they'll order books, which they can hold in the store, or ship. I ordered a book, Collective Wisdom, by Grace Bonney, and the bonus is I get to return to South Park when it comes to The Book Catapult.
I guess this post was just a chatty catch-up. The news, still bleak and heart-breaking, can consume my thoughts, so I am here... in a virtual space of fond recollection, and hopeful anticipation that some online friends will chat, too. Hello, out there!
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
Make Joy
The healthroom is almost almost complete. So close! For me, the hardest part was making paint and tile choices, but now comes the second hardest (slowest) part and that's putting everything back togethter! All of the things that were in the bathroom were packed, and shuttled and crammed into our bedroom, mostly, and then I spent weeks and weeks pretending that none of it was a problem... not messy, dusty, stressful, cluttered, trip-hazardy, nada. Now I am in restoration mode, and I am slow, but at least I am being intentional... I am deep cleaning, purging, trying to be mindful about what stays and what goes, and so, I hope that when I get things in order, and looking good, they will be genuinely good, organized, only the "brings me joy" things will remain. I want to confess that "I am embarrassed about my pace, about the extent of the dust and stuff," but life has been one thing after another, and suddenly, I am older, injured/pained, slower, a bit pandemic stunted, and the kindest thing I could do is say, "Ok. But I am still trying."
Say hello to Reginald. Reginald, Fairie Saint of Self-Regard. I am certain that this dapper llama would have only kind and patient things to say about how I ought address myself, what phrases and expressions I utter when contemplating my existence, worth, and self-view. Oh, and say hello to my chamomile! Didn't I say I want to grow chamomile, to have enough to cut and bring inside? Haven't I dreamt of the day, and sighed aloud, to have a garden, and flowers, and a home of our own? How ever do I manage to get down and muddled in my thinking, when there are flowers growing outside my kitchen window, and a blue arched niche, where I can set a pitcher of soothing blossoms? There is dust here, and stashes of things I need to manage, and chipped plates, and clothes that need mending, and sometimes, really quite often, I find something more compelling to do than sort my books by color. I am so fortunate.
The days go on. No one needs me to mention war, to link to climate change perils, or count the dead from COVID. It has been one thing after another, and then some. We need a vacation. I bet you need a vacation! It's been too much, and how many times have I said that since... 2016? Complaining, even listing the hardships, is a strange thing. Some people do it so readily, and even seem to elicit support, empathy, a good-humored laugh in solidarity. I keep biting my tongue, surpressing, downplaying, hoping I will be cured by optimism, relieved by denial. And the days go on. I would have lost the bet on things getting better. Thank goodness I come across words and expressions that help me live with all of this... this harrowing stuff of war and hate, of racsim, disease, distrust, and too, the indescribable beauty of an egg, and painted walls, cut flowers, of friends sitting around a campfire, in relative peace.
"I am washing my face before bed
while a country is on fire.
It feels dumb to wash my face
and dumb not to.
It has never been this way
and it has always been this way.
Someone has always clinked a
cocktail glass in one hemisphere as
someone loses a home in another,
while someone falls in love in the
same apartment building where
someone grieves. The fact that
suffering, mundanity and beauty
coincide is unbearable and
and remarkable.
~Mari Andrew
An egg! In the nest box! Remarkable. What good and clever hens. This one someone did all on her own.
Wherever you are, whether safe and content, or struggling, or both, I hope you find an egg in a nest, or that you can paint a wall, eat a delicious orange, hold a baby, put on clean socks. I hope that you find a YouTube channel that makes you laugh until your sides ache, or that you share a phone call with a friend, and it makes the day feel lighter, more promising. Good things are better shared.
The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil is interesting. This is the treason of the artist; a refusal to admit the banality of evil and terrible boredom of pain." ~Ursula K. Le Guin
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
2102 in 2022... It's A Paradox
Caution: You Are Entering a Robot Zone!
It's been a long spell since the last update on FIRST 2102 Team Paradox... I did mention Kick-off, the start of the build season for 2022. There was the last Maker event we jointly attended. Oh, how I miss those. There was the end of season party in 2019, when Maria, was a freshman, and Championships, the same year! And the San Diego FIRST Regional that lead to Houston! Good memories. The 2020 season started off with a lot of promise, team effort, a good Kick-off, and outreach. Unfortunately, things kind of fell apart with the arrival of COVID. It was disappointing, and though the Team made spirited efforts and kept things active and noteworthy in 2021, Maria took the year off. Okay, I know that was a lot of links, and a lot of twists and turns... I won't be hurt if you skim over all of this. We love robots and the young folks that design, manufacture, assemble, and program them, the same young folks that write grants and fundraise, design their look, and manage their social media, outreach, peer-mentoring, and recruiting, and compete, graciously, in FIRST Robotics Competitions. This will be our last season with one of our own on the team, but we will always be ready to cheer for 2102! In pictures and words, this post is for FIRST 2102 Team Paradox, and the start of their 2022 season.
Kick Off, When FIRST Reveals the Game to Teams Around the World!
One more picture from George... this time with Simon holding up a rough sketch of a proposed robot element.
Kick-off is two days. The game and rules are revealed, and Team Paradox has a finely tuned system of breaking the team into groups, so that the manual and rule book can be read, analyzed, distilled, then shared with the team. From this comes a better understanding of the game, the robot, the limitations, and options, and then a stratgey for both desiging the robot, and playing the game can be developed. This year, only a day before the already complicated event, the team learned they would have to make new accomodations due to rising cases of OMICRON... the president, Lake, had to plan and coordinate for everything to move into two safe indoor spaces, then one, practical space for outdoors. Additionally, Paradox hosted the new teams from Oceanside High School, and an online school, Team 4014.
Team Colors and Tshirt Printing
The robotics teams are showing up for science and technology, but team spirit, outreach, and marketing, count, too. They have to stand-out in many ways, and so in 2008-09, the marketing team decided that bright and loud were the team's look, and that's when yellow on top, red on the bottom, and Paradox all over became the standard uniform. The team also chooses a new Tshirt design to screen print and sell, every year. We are delighted to share that Maria's design was chosen this year. It's a Parrot and an Ox... a parrotox... Paradox! She included an element or two that are nods to the Tshirts Alex designed for the team.
Robotics, at this school, is an after school club, and not techincally supported, nor sponsored by the school, and yet... the Team is dependent and indebted to the school, to the many supportive, patient and enthusiastic teachers that mentor and accomodate Paradox.
Bag & Tag and Root Beer Floats
This event marks the final hours when the team can work on their robot before the teams meet in competition at regional events around the world. Team Paradox is continuing the tradition of marking this event with sharing the robot, and sometimes the practice robot, with parents, and family, and by serving up celebratory root beer floats. It's a fun night, with some relief for what's been accomplished in the weeks since Kick-off. And, by the way, the robot was named Viper! Viper looks gorgeous, and starting this weekend the student built robot will be competing in the North Los Angeles regional at Port Hueneme. And to look good, and stand out, the team is going to need those Tshirts!
Back to the Screen Printing Shop!
Tatyana, Leah, Michael, Keene, and Maria
There was a small setback in printing, but things were back on track this week. The marketing students pushed and printed plenty of uniforms for the upcoming regional, and there will be even more printed for the San Diego, and Las Vegas regionals! You can see them in action on Instagram. That's not all for the year. There may be a trip to Houston, if Paradox wins a regional, or is awarded with something like Engineering Inspiration. And then there are outreach events, and other design and build opportunities, student lead classes over summer, and plenty of STEM related possibilities for this spirited, inspired and inspiring team of robot building young folks.
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
Happiness
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
Peace
Someday, I hope to come back to this post, and breath a sigh of relief, think to myself it wasn't as horrible as we dreaded, they did not go as far as we feared. But today, Russia is invading Ukraine, bombing their cities, fulfilling threats, spreading propaganda, and they are applauded by prominent Republicans in the United States. Such waves of grief and foreboding have a grip on me, and disgust. I admit to being naive, to having fully expected a bright, promising Spring, progressive strides, days near at hand when we lift each other up, rally for justice, quash racism and racist systems, disdain greed, and lift up learning, healthcare, gentle acts. Instead, we are derailed by fear mongering, and hateful decrees against Trans youth, against the autonomy of women over our own bodies. Insurrection against Democracy is hardly addressed, and as it is, it is slow, suspiciously, ploddingly slow. Braver people than I will make their travel plans, and soíree. I feel too turned around, sad, worn, to move forward, to think of doing happy things, making happy plans, and I feel guilty, too, because my life is good, and safe. It's the weight of trauma, of wading through these Pandemic years, knowing our planet ails, and people hurting, it's being disconsolate for the suffering that makes me heavy, slows my steps, and I feel a hopelessness, a shadow that I don't remember, or know, how to scatter away.
Someone once assumed that I didn't read the news, was not staying informed. They took my penchant for cats and chickens, cakes, and aprons, my whimsical leanings for blissful ignorance, and a casual indifference to the state of affairs. That is not the case. I do read the news, and follow stories, listen to accounts of all kinds of histories, and current events, causes, rallies, and in recent years I have redoubled my efforts to listen more, read more, and learn more. But the truth is, there is always a time when I can't absorb more. There is a tipping point, where after one more report, another account of terror or cruelty, and I am ineffectual. I withdraw, and despair. To stay present, and engaged, to do good works, I cannot assimilate every disaster, then work at fathoming how to save the world. In fact, it sounds like a kind of arrogance to imagine I would assume this role. I do tune in, empathize, and imagine the anguish of others. Those struggles and issues that others are suffering, inform my voting, what I share, who I support, what I purchase, how I conduct myself. More simply, I am a better gardener than soldier. I am more adept at sharing eggs and lemons from our garden than testifying before a council. My activism, my rallying cries for social justice, and peace are in our Little Free Library, in Craft Camp for neighbor's children, in mentoring, donating, contributing, in sharing seeds, fabric, recipes, in posting cat pictures, and adopting chickens to help a friend...
I don't know what I am trying to say. I often don't know what I am trying to say, but I'll post it anyway! But this... these events, and the consequences, the state of the world, matters. I can't be shallow, or muddled, not about this. I connect with Paula Sutton's post, when she wrote, "Before anyone mentions other tragedies and other causes beyond those of today, believe me, I ache for all of them, but for the most part I choose to be an oasis of calm for those who need an escape from the relentlessness of horrific news and the struggles of life. Tonight however, I think I’ve reached a tipping point. Tonight I feel too sad and too angry for the world. So until tomorrow - here’s a sunset instead." Like Paula, I love the pretty images, and the acts of love, the affirmations, and hopeful gestures. I am imagining peace, and willing it, praying for it, and voting for peace. I am centering my beliefs, and actions, my hopes, and thoughts on peace. And I am going to sit here, a minute, and try to remember how to scatter the shadows away.
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
A Few Hours At The Zoo
I felt certain that I had more pictures to share, and now I realize that I was recording a lot, because so many of the animals were active. I'll share video, too, then. Like the one of the adult baboon keeping an eye on the young one in the tree. The one in the tree seemed to make the adult anxious, but the little one was also tossing leaves down, and those were much sought after by the baboons on the ground. It's great to have annual passes. We had a good walk, saw plenty of animals, including the penguins, and leopard sharks, and then we headed out, happy to know we can return, soon.
Did I mention it was loud at the zoo? Maybe turn your volume down if you watch these clips.
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
Glad I Blog
This year, so far, I've been blogging a lot. A lot a lot. It's partly the safety valve thing, where I can let off some steam, sort my feelings/thoughts/desires. It also helps me, later, because I keep track of things. Seriously! The blog has become our own Wiki page of family history, and we refer to our archives often. It's a gratitude journal, where I can center my thoughts on the best moments, the pleasures and good things that make up my days, and revisit those good things, too. It's a meeting place, and while this has been kind of hit and miss as far as statistical success, I am glad that I can connect with people I know, people I am getting to know, people far away, and it's free from ads, agendas, demands, expectations, deadlines. No one has to read Chickenblog, and I don't have to post, or justify nor explain why I write, or what I write. This experiment or exercise, this long letter, open journal... whatever this is, Chickenblog will be 20 years old, soon. If you are a regular CB reader, brace yourself! I will not be able to resist getting very sentimental, and reflecting some, on this strange journey. And even though I have known some frustrations and disappointments, foremost in my thoughts are all of the amazing connections, friendships, gifts, exchanges, and benefits I have enjoyed through Chickenblog. Maybe those are the posts and memories I should share and reflect on... a trip down memory lane of all the times I have been blessed and honored and surprised by the goodness of connections made over the Internet. I have a particular curiosity about behavior and culture, about changes in culture, and so I think that the experiment of blogging, for me, for society, has been fascinating, and now in the midst of a global pandemic, there are new and stranger elements to observe and process... at its best, it's all been amazing, and strange. I think we will be processing these years for the rest of our lives. I am kind of glad I have been, low-key, taking notes.
Geoff needs a vacation, friends. He needs to get away, literally, figuratively, magically. Max, too. Max might take early retirement. That's how I put it, sympathetically kidding, when I see that he's entered the work world in a very unprecedented and exacting way. He likes his work, and appreciates everything, but it's been strange and strenuous. They both are doing a lot, and working from home, as good as the benefits are, is not without some challenges. Fortunately, Max has D & D for sanity and balance, and Geoff has been escaping through creative expression, like assembling watch faces and framing them under glass. I call his piece "Face Time." He has more art plans, extensions of his earlier works, his Art Blocks. My own creative pursuits have been... well, they have not been. I am stuck in a long dry spell, but I am toying with the idea of making our backsplash, around the bath sink, a mosaic. But probably not. I can't decide. I do like looking at the glass and tiles and stuff. A vacation might do us all some good.
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
Good Morning From My Flower Farm
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
While My Tea Steeps, I Getaway
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
Blooms & Wishes
Also blooming... the apple trees!Remember the list? The List that I congratulated myself for writing, because I was so determined to shake the fog and be accomplished? I tackled some of the things. But only some. And even some of those were a bit botched, like the post office trip. Ugh... that was a small mess, and ironic, given that I literally had to talk myself into making that errand, and overcome some trepidation. Anyway, one thing on the list was "Valentines" and I was keen to bring out craft supplies, envelopes, pretty things, and be romantic, make heartfelt gestures, and send those out in the world. It only partly came together, I am sorry to say. It's possible I will never be craftily clever and postally adept, or I could cling to the hope that I am like a bulb that needs a chance, that I may yet bloom.
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
Look For Me In The Retiring Room
Good-bye, big tub!
Okay, but the tub is in great shape and I do like baths, and so we are strongly considering framing it up and having a fabulous outdoor spa, where in the heat of summer, or winter (it's been in the 80s this week,) we can enjoy midnight soaks, cooling dips, a refreshing splash. I wasn't kidding about having harebrained ideas. It's kind of awesome, really.
From the healthroom, you can see the large garden bed, where I have recently been weeding, planting, watering and giving thanks. And guess what... it's paying off! At long last, after years of failed attempts, and some small success last year, the chamomile has simply volunteered itself! I love chamomile so much, and have written about it so many times it could have it's own blog label.
Bird House Notes: Would anyone like to see a post that is exclusively snapshots of paint chips, tile samples, and faucet choices? I have loads of those! At some point all of this searching and deliberating will pay off! Right? February 10, 2022
When was the last time I talked about the weather? It's noteworthy this week. It's in the 80s. February and 80+ degrees, and ages since it last rained. I know... it's more comfortable than the sub-zero temps, but without some rain around here, and more snow in our mountains, the months ahead, fire season, will be something dreadful. I don't want to think about this. February 10, 2022
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie
Progress, Sort Of
Shopping for the perfect tea cup: "Don't worry about the price tag"
Let me begin by stating: I love this. It cracks me up, and it's relevant to our lives. We love our tea, and our tea cups. And, I can't deny, I am on a direct course for a future where I wear head scarves, coke bottle glasses, and heavy coats, and carry my... chicken? Is that a featherless chicken? Or. No. It's a small dog? Could it be? Is it an anthropomorphic potato? I have no idea, but the day I see one at the shelter, I am bringing it home, then carrying it around with me wherever I go. I will stick it in the basket on my bicycle, and ride around in my oversized coat, looking for tea cups in the second hand shops.
Dear Friends, I am posting today, as a reward for having made a list of all of the urgent, pressing errands, and tasks that I absolutely must attend to. I have it all written down. It's those things that I never think of in the light of day, but they collect themselves, and pull up into my brain, tires screeching, gears grinding, and honking incessantly for my attention in the wee hours! They list themselves to me, pressing me to examine and face up to all of the things left undone, each neglected assignment, and even a few of my most ardent resolutions, hopes of self-improvement, ambition. Not now, I implore at 3 am, and I make strong, stronger resolutions and promises. I will reform. Later, when it's time to get up from bed, I am foggy, reluctant, and the urgent, incessant honking demands have somehow evaporated. I have only a vague sense of nameless dread, but no specific desire to consider the cause, to write down The List. I have one, now. It's not complete, but it's a good start. But what's a "start" without a middle, and an end? I'll just blog a little bit more, and then I promise, I will get to the end of this list.
One thing not on my list is to delete the hundreds of snapshots of faucets, tile samples, and paint chips on my computer, and phone. Also, I may have 10,000 screenshots of memes, reminders, comics, wedding clothes, recipes, political references, design ideas, and article links. My head is congested, like my Cloud, and it is time to delete delete delete! I need to Marie Kondo my digital media!
Oh dear. When I searched "Marie Kondo," for a link, a searchable image appeared for: "The Joy of Leaving Your Sh*t All Over The Place." I will not go there. Alone, in my dark office, I feel seen. I feel like if I weren't crocheting, painting, and taking featherless chickens on bicycle rides, "Sh*t All Over The Place" could be the title of a master's thesis I write, based on raw, personal data. I feel like I was minding my business, in denial about a lot of things, but still showing up, when suddenly there is a bear. Do I run? Do I drop to the ground, cover my head, and hold my breath? Do I stand tall and growl back? Back away, slowly, humbly? I never would have thought that I take joy in leaving sh*t all over the place, but. Objectively? Looking at the evidence all around me, Whoa, I am face to face with a bear. A messy messy bear.
William cleared all of the debris from the bathroom demolition. He even sifted the dirt to remove small tile bits and broken stuff. He did a very thorough job of it. Upstairs, in our bathroom, Mike has all of the backer board installed, for the flooring, and the shower. And he's ready to mud the walls, in the shower, and in the spots where he had to remove drywall. He also cut the hole for the new sink, and I found a faucet! And the lights! And more tile, because we need some for a backsplash! I may even have chosen paint colors. Well, I am close, anyway. Why is this so hard? I have very strong instincts and concerns around not making bad choices. I am always awestruck by people that know exactly what they love, what looks good, these are the same people that toss off expressions, like "It's just paint!" They make beautiful choices, and probably never come across bears.
Hey, Saki? My little land seal, my fur potato, would you like to go for a bike ride with me?
Categories: Chicken Blog by Natalie